I lost my job two months ago. I guess, technically I quit. But I thought it was more that the chef and I came to a mutual agreement that it wasn't the right job for me. The days I'd missed didn't help the situation. I guess my dad was/is furious with me for it. Which I didn't really know since he's just stopped speaking to me completely. I finally mustered up the courage to call up my grandmother today, almost two months later. And I asked if he was mad at me. She said yes. I wasn't really surprised, it was what I was assuming. I guess... what I really wish is that he would talk to me about it instead of just choosing to ignore me completely. No responses to the messages I send him, nothing. In the back of my mind I'm wondering if he'll just fade out of my life again. I was so close to actually opening up to him too, letting him see more than the face I put on because I'm so ashamed of who I really am. Maybe... maybe it's good that I was cautious about it.
Am I wrong in thinking that he shouldn't shun me because he's mad at me? I don't really know. Maybe it's all I deserve. I could see it if I was just his friend or something, but, I mean... I'm his son so... doesn't that mean something? Anything?
Times like these I think about the void I've had in my life because he wasn't there. I wonder if he's ever felt the same because I wasn't there and then I whisper "Probably not" to myself as I feel the depression take hold of me.